Some appropriately tacky Ofsted music.

1. The Animals - Gotta get out of this place
2. The Eurythmics - Tell me lies
3. Abba - S.O.S.
4. Bon Jovi - Living on a prayer
5. Tears For Fears - Everybody wants to rule the world
6. Queen - Under pressure
7. Simon & Garfunkel - I am a rock.
[20 things you won't hear an Ofsted inspector say]
[20 things you shouldn't say to an Oftsed inspector]

Apparently when one is feeling ill or under great stress, laughter is the best medicine. We all know that this is not true; circus clowns would be parading triumphantly around intensive care beds if it were. Nevertheless, having a laugh at someone's expense (even your own) can alleviate the torturous pain associated with that educational bed of nails on which we so tenderly lie - I'm talking about OFSTED!

Have a browse. It may just cheer you up.

[Some jokes about education]
[Educational quotations]
[An alternative lesson plan]
[An OFSTED poem]

Latest News: Ruth Kelly has put forward a series of new proposals to combat the teacher shortage:

[About this website]
[Another OFSTED poem]
[What does OFSTED really stand for?]The McFast-track drive-through training scheme: McDonalds employees will, under this new scheme, be enabled to re-train as A-level physics teachers. A full afternoon of high-quality, intensive tuition will be provided.
[What do those Ofsted phrases actually mean?]
[If all else fails, here's a resignation letter]The immigrant incentive scheme: illegal immigrants are soon to be allowed to stay in the country in return for teaching behaviorally challenged children. The Conservative 'holding centres' could also soon become reality as Kelly has suggested they could play host to SAT booster classes in the evenings.
[Cartoons] Authentic News links:
[Inspector Profiles]The 'Big Brother' scheme: staff in local government offices may soon be monitored throughout the day with CCTVs. The public will be encouraged to 'vote out' an employee each week. The unlucky looser will be forced to teach French or Maths in a local inner city comprehensive until all employees are eliminated.
[Banned books]
[Mail me]'Teachers for Schools' tokens to appear on crisp packets: a seventy-two year old supply teacher called Edith is set to jump into action in return for tokens, soon to be appearing on Kwik Save own brand crisps. Edith recently successfully completed an evening class entitled "How to switch on your computer without blowing up your bungalow."
The uncomplicated monetary reward scheme: new teachers will have 18.43% of either their second and forth year, or their first and third year student loans reduced by a third of the current annual inflation rate in Argentina, minus the annual income of the second eldest daughter of the Danish Royal family, on the condition that upon reaching their 34th birthday, notwithstanding leave taken for maternity or illness reasons, they have completed at least three-eighths as many years of service as the average life expectancy of Papua New Guinea, and have spent twelve-sixteenths of those years working, or actively looking for work in Central London...

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This site was last updated on 15th February 2004