The true meanings behind popular Ofsted phrases

"Generally satisfactory" actually means "I forgot to make notes"

"A significant minority" actually means "I couldn't be bothered to count them"

"The head teacher is unclear in his approach" actually means "The headteacher is a complete waste of space"

"Ably assisted by..." actually means "Covered up for by..."

"The headteacher is supported very ably by the highly professional deputy" actually means "I am having an affair with the deputy"

"The children need to exhibit more control during Design Technology lessons" actually means "No holds bared hacksaw fights are to be discouraged"

"The school building is in significant need of repair" actually means "I've seen better decorated allotments"

"The links between PE and science are particularly strong" actually means "The PE teacher is clearly sleeping with the English teacher"

"The site management suffers from a lack of on-site skill and professionalism" actually means "The caretaker is a neanderthal, knuckle-scraping baboon"

"The children in 4C are learning at a slower rate than the rest of the school" actually means "The children in 4C called me an old tart"

"The choir are not yet singing in key" actually means "The choir sound like a pack of hyenas giving birth"

"The general appearance of the staff needs to be improved" actually means "The geography teacher had a tattoo of a bull-dog across the chest, a skin-head and heavy pit boots. The children were clearly frightened by her"

"A more balanced dietary regime needs to be developed at lunchtimes" actually means "Half a cup of lemonade and a Pot Noodle does not make a school meal"

"The sex education lesson was very informative" actually means "Ah! So that's how you do it!"

"Poor quality display work" actually means work which the children actually produced themselves

"The RE lessons were acceptable" actually means "Jesus shmeesus!"