Educational quotations:

The teacher should never lose his temper in the presence of the class. If a man, he may take refuge in profane soliloquies; if a woman, she may follow the example of one sweet-faced and apparently tranquil girl - go out and gnaw a post.

William Lyon Phelps, Teaching in School and College

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

George Bernard Shaw, Maxims of Revolutionists, 1903

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. He who cannot teach, teaches PE.

Suggestion from an Ofsted inspector

Teachers are overworked and underpaid. True, it is an exacting and exhausting business, this damming up the flood of human potentialities.

George B. Leonard, Education and Ecstasy

My education was severely disrupted by the outbreak of World War II. It had actually taken place sixteen years previously, but I was still very upset about it.

Barry Cryer, at the Cambridge Union, quoted in The Times, 1984

Eric: When it came to education, my father wanted me to have all the opportunities he never had.

Ernie: So what did he do?

Eric: He sent me to a girls' school.

Eric Morecambe & Ernie Wise, The Morcambe and Wise joke book, 1979

O vain futile frivolous boy. Smirking. I won't have it. I won't have it. I won't have it. Go find the headmaster and ask him to beat you within an inch of your life. And say please.

Alan Bennett, Forty Years On, 1968

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies, 1981

Got full marks on the Geography test today. Yes! I am proud to report that I got twenty out of twenty! I was also complimented on the neat presentation of my work. There is nothing I don't know about the Norwegian leather industry.

Sue Townsend, The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.

Laurence PeterCanadian writer (1919 - )

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Maurice Maeterlinck

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Derek Bok

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.

Alec Bourne

Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets the answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.

Jack Handey (Deep thoughts)

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Woody Allen

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, reorganise."

Simon Jenkins on Tony Blair's proposed reform of secondary schools, The Times, 14 February 2001